Doubts with my son's Thai girlfriend

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December 11 2018

Dear readers,

My name is Hans and I have been coming to Thailand for 14 years. In the meantime I have visited most major places and of course I have my preference, but traveling in and around Thailand continues to interest me, so I come back every year.

Because you come across the most unusual questions on this blog, I also have one. The question pertains to my son's new girlfriend. Last year he met a 25-year-old Thai girl through a dating site. Before I knew it, the girl had already visited the Netherlands, which made my son very happy. But I was suspicious anyway, when I asked what exactly the girl did for work, I got all kinds of unclear answers, for example, that she had a papaya nursery, or that she was a supervisor of Thai temporary workers in Japan, in short, not very clear.

I think she has a double bottom, so what do you think?

Ps it is not her intention that she will come to the Netherlands permanently, she has a 10-year-old son. My son can't go to Thailand too often either, his income isn't high enough for that.

Regards,

Hans

18 responses to “Doubts about my son's Thai girlfriend”

  1. samee says up

    A child at 15? She almost certainly doesn't have a good job.

  2. ruud says up

    You ask an unanswerable question.
    How can you judge someone you've never seen in your life?

    It can go either way.
    Having a papaya plantation does not rule out guiding Thai temporary workers in Japan.
    However, she must have stamps in her passport from those visits to Japan.

    By the way, who paid for her trip, and her visa?
    It's not all that easy, I think.

    • Jasper says up

      Thais are allowed visa-free travel to Japan.
      If she has received a visa for the Netherlands without any problems, this means that she has not been found wanting by the embassy in Bangkok, in other words: she does not pose a risk of establishment, probably on the grounds of leaving a minor behind in Thailand and possessing a somewhat substantial plantation for papayas. So I wouldn't worry too much!

  3. David says up

    And how old is your son he probably works so probably adults enough to decide for themselves.

  4. Rob V says up

    You can't do more than express your concerns and best intentions to your son. As parents you wish you all the luck but of course you also want to keep them from pitfalls. Just state honestly what your concerns are. But we don't know the lady in question. Even if we bet on the fact that she hasn't had a nice past, that doesn't necessarily rule out the fact that she just has good intentions. As long as your son doesn't do anything against his principles, doesn't walk in seven locks at once, then it's his choices.

    Tell your son that he shouldn't do anything that doesn't feel right, but if it feels right for him, he should follow his heart and mind. Let him know that he can always turn to you if he wants to say something, for example if someone comes up with "yes that's typical Thai, that's their culture" (bold: the basic human principles of respect, give and take are global, so if someone says 'you have to do that, that's the Thai culture' yes then the alarm bells can go off, nothing has to). But also just realize that there is a chance that this lady means no harm but does not want to tell you (or your son) everything for her own reasons. As long as he doesn't let himself get undressed, there's nothing to worry about. And if he does slip, as long as he doesn't go to the ground, that's not a problem either.

    Have a short chat, watch the cat from the tree and keep the door open for your son and his love.

  5. Tasty says up

    Doesn't matter what she was up to before. It's about now.
    And if she prefers living in the Netherlands instead of Thailand (double bottom?), then that is understandable and not necessarily bad.

    • Jasper says up

      Not necessarily understandable, most Thais should not think about living in a foreign country, and then also such a cold country. Sanuk above all!
      Incidentally, the chance of this does not seem very great at the moment, the mvv requirements, the income requirements, they form a nice obstacle for someone with a simple salary.

  6. John Sweet says up

    even though she has a child at the age of 15, she does not want to say anything about her doings.
    There are also enough teenage mothers in the Netherlands and they will also have to be lucky enough to find a man who accepts her child.
    as long as he is not going to buy houses (you don't do that in the Netherlands) in her name, there is nothing wrong
    give them a chance.

  7. Ton says up

    Who cares what kind of work she did.
    Silly prejudices, as long as it's not a barmaid.
    Well, they know how to take care of a man.

  8. Els says up

    All you can do is warn your son, but in the end he decides for himself.
    Success with it

  9. Gerard says up

    Unfortunately you cannot give advice to your son because he probably walks with his head in the clouds and is therefore deaf to advice, how were we ourselves when we were young in such a situation?

    This will be a life lesson for him in good or bad, he has to experience and experience it himself.
    The more you push, the more he will distance himself, so just let it run its course.

  10. Karel says up

    My advice: 1. Have your son take a look at the lady's mother, then he will know what his girlfriend will look like later on.
    2. Advise him to meet quite a few young ladies in Thailand.

  11. richard says up

    Dear Hans
    I don't care what she does in Thailand as long as the two have a good time together
    you will see later what the future brings
    greetings from richard

  12. Erwin Fleur says up

    Dear Hans,

    Thank you for asking for advice as a parent.
    Always remains difficult with all the stories that are thrown in the air.
    And yes, there are always difficult things that your son will encounter in Thailand.

    My father (deceased) had the same problem with me.
    I also just dropped in with a Thai woman.
    The hardest thing about being a father is the unknown (other country) where he has no
    has experience with.

    I would give him the chance and support (my father did too).
    Now 18 years later we are still happily married and just keep building.

    Yours faithfully,

    Erwin

  13. French Nico says up

    Dear Hans,

    Wisdom comes with age, is a well-known saying. But often that comes with trial and error. After all, the experienced parents have had to learn that too, right?

    Your son is apparently smart enough to bring her to the Netherlands for a short period of time. So he really isn't the dumbest. But as a parent I understand very well that you want to protect your child from mistakes that your son will inevitably make.

    You yourself indicate that you received unclear answers to a few simple questions. Let's be honest, don't we also show the most beautiful side of ourselves to achieve something? But when it comes to untruths, the person in question will sooner or later fall through the basket.

    A healthy distrust is certainly in order. If things don't add up, tell your son. If something is too good to be true, it usually is. But don't tell him what to do or not do. After all, he has to experience that himself. We have all become wise by learning from our mistakes. When in doubt, he will always remember what you told him.

    French Nico.

  14. Franky says up

    Always difficult especially with the concise information. As long as your son doesn't do weird things, things will run smoothly.

  15. Sim pat says up

    Not easy to recommend. But of course what you hear , I would say stay careful .
    Greetings sim pat

  16. Johannes says up

    praise her to heaven….
    but stay awake. She's looking for a life insurance policy.
    but you know our Thai culture anyway.
    Otherwise, he'll just have to bump his head

    And above all "watch the pennies".

    Good luck…..John


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