Great-grandfather becomes a father again
All the beauty of a relationship with a Thai lady has been described often enough on this blog. When you are young you want to start a family and continue with it through life, but the older foreigner often does not want to think about having to change diapers (Pampers) again and having to get up at night and in the morning to assist the woman with the baby's food. If not Paul, an Englishman, whom I have known for many years.
He became the father of a baby conceived by a Thai woman a few months ago. When I spoke to him earlier this week, I asked him why he wasn't with his partner with a baby in Isaan. It's nice to see and pamper your own child, isn't it? But I was wrong there, Paul told me the whole story.
Paul
So Paul is an Englishman of around 60 years old, who comes to Pattaya four or five times a year. He is a trader, he legally buys certain items here in Thailand, which, however, cannot be legally sold in England. What those articles are is irrelevant, at least they are not narcotics or anything like that. He is married and he and his English wife are a fertile couple. They have 5 children, all of whom now have children. One 19-year-old granddaughter is now also a mother, so that Paul can call himself a great-grandfather.
Lek
Lek is his Thai girlfriend, whom he met about five years ago. How exactly is not entirely clear to me, but in any case Lek is not a bar type, because Paul never visits bars. Due to some dark mishaps in the past, he is 100% teetotal. Anyway, I also know Lek well, she is a modest and modest lady from the Isaan. Driven by poverty and the care for a daughter and family, she came to Pattaya. I said modestly, but over the years Lek has become a bit more open, talks to other ladies in the pool hall and also goes out with them. She likes a glass of wine!
Acquaintance
After the first few meetings, Paul decided to ask Lek to live with him in his condo. However, he made it clear to her that he would never marry her and that he did not want any children from her. He promised to take good care of her. He took her in to have "a good time" during his visits to Pattaya. She accepted, because financially it was attractive enough for her. And so they lived together all these years, that is, when Paul was in Pattaya. As soon as he went back to England, Lek went to her mother and daughter in Isan.
wish for children
Somewhere in the beginning of this year, Lek wanted something different from the sluggish life that those two led in Pattaya and expressed her desire to have children. She wanted a child from Paul, but Paul insisted on his previous condition for living together: no children. To prevent pregnancy, Paul ensured a regular supply of the contraceptive pill and also made sure she took it. That went well for a long time, but during his absence she "forgot" to take the pill. Not much later, Paul found out that she was pregnant, now what?
No abortion
Of course there were words, but Paul didn't want to lose her either. He proposed to terminate the pregnancy, but neither Lek nor her family wanted to hear about it. That child had to come. Lek probably thought that Paul would now recover and would be happy that he would become a father again. But no, Paul took a hard line in part. Well, he would take care of the costs of birth, clothing and food, but otherwise he wanted nothing to do with the child,
Father
And so Paul became a father again, he briefly held the baby in his hands at birth and that first time was also the last time. He went back to Pattaya from the hospital in Isaan and has absolutely no intention of coming back to the village to admire his child. Lek can just come back to Pattaya, but without the baby. He thinks his condo is not suitable for 3 people, but it is clear that he wants nothing to do with the child.
Father?
The fascinating question for Paul now is whether he really is the father. Yes, he counted back to conception from birth and he could indeed be the father. He does not know what Lek did with the declaration of her child. According to him, it is unlikely that he is listed as the father on the birth certificate. She may have said that the father is unknown or would a (Thai) name have been entered? Paul does not know, because he has not interfered with the declaration or other papers.
DNA test
The only way to prove paternity is therefore a DNA test of the baby and Paul. Actually, Paul is sure that he will turn out to be the father, but he says: "This is Thailand, you never know!" It could well be that Lek shared the bed with another man during his absence, right? The test has yet to be done and what will happen if Paul is not the father is impossible to estimate.
Finally,
Now I know more cases where a Thai woman deliberately gets pregnant by a foreigner, so the above story doesn't really surprise me. It remains remarkable: a great-grandfather who becomes a father again!
– Reposted message –
In itself I understand Paul well that he did not want a child. The fact is only that the child is there. Assuming it's his, I think he's grossly failing his child by not wanting to have contact with it. He can think what he wants from Lek and her family, but he is and remains accountable to his child. His child did not choose this situation and (someday) probably has an understandable need to get to know his father well. Paul is, in effect, taking that child from his father.
If he doesn't want kids, why isn't he getting help???
That's right, Peter. I have never considered sterilization for the reason that I never know what the future will bring. When I met my wife I immediately said that I don't want any more children. After all, I already had three grown children. Moreover, my wife already had an almost adult daughter. But when we walked past a baby specialty store, she always pulled me inside. If a woman has a strong need for another child, you as a man have nothing to say. In the end I just agreed. I had myself sterilized after birth. Our daughter is now five years old and I will be 70 next month. But I am crazy about our (for both) youngest daughter. It does give a lot of restrictions that I wasn't waiting for. But so be it.
Great-grandfather comes across differently than a 60-year-old man fathering a child.
But it's more common.
I often feel sorry for the children, what can those men do for them later?
Own fault. He should have had a haircut. He never had these problems.
Perhaps he should have remained faithful to his English wife?
If you, as a man, do not want children, this can be remedied with a 15-minute procedure. Placing the responsibility solely on the woman is completely out of date.
Egotripper is all I can say about it.
If I read this story like this, this will certainly not be a man who belongs to my circle of friends. Much of what he does is not up to me. Practices a form of lawlessness and keeps a concubine which, I guess, is not known in England. He apparently doesn't want any publicity about this child, because it will cause problems. DNA research is a must and depending on the outcome, you also take responsibility. If it's his child, be a man too and take on your father's role. With all its consequences. That child cannot help it, but will be treated unfairly if he turns out to be the father. That this woman wants to bind him permanently in this way is something that often happens in Thailand. I can imagine that he rejects this behavior, but he could have estimated that with all the signals he received. Boontje comes for his wages.
I can't understand this at all either. Here again a child is the victim of a “man of the world” who thinks only of himself.
This Lek, is guilty here in my eyes, you will have to give them a living in Asia who thus insure themselves for the future.
I think it is irresponsible for someone over 60 to father a child, especially if this happens outside a recognized marriage in the father's country of origin. Because regardless of the limitations that an elderly father brings. Are there the financial consequences for the child and its mother if the father dies?
I don't think I need to elaborate further on those consequences. Everyone with some common sense knows them. It could of course also be that the perpetrator, selfish that he is, doesn't care one bit about it
Paul is not to blame. He did his best, only the woman had other thoughts and deliberately forgot to take the pill. Also not even said, well too late of course, or thought that there are morning after pills.
Quote : but during his absence she “forgot” to take the pill
Paul had left, is it his child? Takes two to tango.
Or did Paul impregnate her over the internet?
It doesn't matter that Paul is older. makes no sense to discriminate on the basis of age. A man can continue to father until the age of 80. Woman doesn't, that's pretty much over at 40.
There are plenty of older men with younger women and therefore kids.
So it's selfish of the woman, thinking that Paul would come around. So no.
No, I can't blame Paul for that. Financially responsible? No.
There are/were even in Europe, noble breasts, married, with children out of wedlock. Also delivered quite a fuss, after years.
Both are responsible in principle, only when the principle differs, it is clear that problems are looming.
And as for, you are married , so then not. Even nonsense. See commercials on the screen almost every day, such as “second love” and I don't know what anymore. It seems to be quite normal to eat outside the pot.
No, Paul wasn't wrong. About snacking outside of marriage? That is up to you.
There are also countless women who skate crookedly, perhaps even more than men.
If the DNA test proves that he is the father, will Paul take responsibility?
Or is it just an argument to get out of it? I fear that Paul is an irresponsible egotist (also towards his legal wife) and is only after his personal pleasures.