Column – Thai torture disguised as wellness
A soft hand I thought, tender fingers from this tropical paradise that would make stress disappear without a sound. How naive. There I lay: unsuspecting, vulnerable and convinced that relaxation could never hurt. Welcome to the wonderful world of Thai massage, where Zen experiences are more like an SM ritual and I, an unsuspecting wellness pilgrim, voluntarily pay to be beaten black and blue.
They say you have to surrender to the experience. Nice theory. I once got that advice just before a colonoscopy. Now I was lying on the mat like a schnitzel ready for the meat hammer, when suddenly a tiny lady appeared with the serene gaze of a monk and the hands of a medieval executioner.
My masseuse was named Noi, which means “small” in Thai. Small, yes, like a bullet is small before it shatters your kneecap. Noi started out subtle, just a hint of discomfort in her fingertips. Her elbows, knees, and heels were less subtle. My body was screaming before my brain realized it was seriously hurting.
As Noi happily reorganized my tendons and rearranged my joints, I tried to get some oxygen through the hole in the table. This must be what a board feels like in a vice, I thought, before my ability to think clearly dissolved in a cocktail of panic, pain, and absurd amazement.
Therein lies the paradox of this Thai tradition: you pay to be tortured, humbly thank the abuse and stumble out with a misplaced sense of inner balance. That balance then manifests itself mainly as a stumble to the toilet, while you wonder why wellness suddenly feels like a disguised euthanasia request.
It’s bizarre how we Westerners collectively believe that pain is necessary for happiness. We pay to sweat in scorching saunas, voluntarily jump into ice water and call mud on our faces spiritual cleansing. Letting ourselves be abused by a smiling 45-pound lady fits perfectly into this absurdist list of self-mortification.
Yes, I had been warned. “Thai massages are intense,” they said beforehand, with that patronizing look as if I had said something stupid about gluten, yoga or chakras. Intense turned out to be as much of an understatement as saying Napoleon was a bit temperamental.
But am I complaining? Absolutely not. I’m going back next week. Maybe I’ll ask Noi to go a little more serious. While we’re at it, she can completely disassemble my spine and reassemble it. That way I’ll really get the most out of my permanent stay in Thailand.
Relaxation apparently comes with a leaflet. Those who want to be beautiful must suffer, those who want to be relaxed apparently must suffer too.
About this blogger
- The Expat (66) has been living in Pattaya for 17 years and enjoys every day in the land of milk and honey! Previously employed in road and hydraulic engineering, but fled the capricious weather in the Netherlands. Lives here with his Thai girlfriend and two dogs just outside Pattaya, a 3-minute walk from the beach. Hobbies: enjoying life, going out, sports and philosophizing with friends about football, Formula 1 and politics.
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CultureApril 28, 2025Column – Thai torture disguised as wellness
Still, I wonder if Thai massage workers realize/know that a Thai body as a whole is more 'flexible' than that of a Westerner.
Pain is a warning signal.
If pain occurs during Thai massage, one should ask oneself whether the body is not protesting at that moment.
It is well known that Western massage patients have to undergo 'restorative treatments' by chiropractors after returning home. Especially the neck and back.
What nonsense. I have been a professional Thai Reflexology therapist for over 25 years. With a background in sports massage in the Netherlands. A training as a trigger point specialist in Australia and a training as a Thai Reflexology therapist level 3 (highest) in Thailand.
First of all, there is not 1 type of Thai massage but 3 main types. The Northern style is a combination of stretching and deep tissue massage and there is indeed a difference between Western and Thai flexibility and if the masseur or masseuse does not know enough about the body, injuries can easily occur due to incorrect and too hard overstretching or stretching. Then we have the pressure point massage, also called accu pressure or trigger point massage in Western countries. It is mainly used to free up energy channels and to resolve muscle cramps. Finally, there is the relaxation massage. The relaxation massage is primarily aimed at relaxation and balance between mind and body. For convenience, you can assume that the first two are aimed at physical healing and the last mainly at de-stressing and mental relaxation. So if you book a massage for relaxation, clearly indicate this to the masseur or masseuse. If it is okay, they will also ask whether you want a soft or hard massage. If they still massage too hard, you make it clear that you want it soft and then they should do that. Again, this is especially true for the initiation massage.
When repairing, some pain is unavoidable. After all, it often hurts before you even enter the salon. The goal is to eventually make that pain disappear. Pain is a warning signal, you say. That's right, but it's more than that. It's also a prioritization signal that, if used correctly, will speed up the much-needed repair. Proteins, fibers, minerals, oxygen and the removal of accumulated waste products such as lactic acid must be collected and removed from the painful areas. Blood circulation is essential there. This can only be achieved with a firm massage and yes, that can feel painful. In addition, that signal function is not only to warn, but also for your body to know where those emergency services and repair substances should go. Compare it a bit with the fire brigade. They need an address to go to when they go out to fight a fire. Pain provides that address and is therefore necessary to speed up that repair. The trick is not to do the massage too hard. The knowledge and experience of the masseur or masseuse is essential. But also the empathy or the feeling or sensing what the client can have.. My experience in Thailand is that this is only present with the masters or older masseuses / masseurs. So in general do not go to sea with a youngster but rather choose an older one if you come for repair and perhaps the most important thing you should be in control as a client. If it is not to your liking make it clear and let them adjust it to what you want. Do not complain afterwards, because then you are too late. Finally the professionalism. People who are massaged outside on a stand or in a shop on a suitable bench are quite different in terms of risk. Beach irregular surface, no control over the expertise of the practitioner. If something goes wrong there, the practitioner is immediately gone and nobody knows him / her. Especially the use of the body (walking over the back for example) can cause considerable problems if insufficient control is not given. In a good shop I often have a support frame on the ceiling where the masseur and masseuse hold on to to keep control over the load on the body of the customer. Perhaps superfluous but realize you pay so you decide. Strenching is a choice not a duty. If you do not want it then you indicate that. For example, I never let my neck be cracked by a Thai masseuse or masseur. Personal choice. Anyway I hope this gives a bit more nuance and clarification that pain is more than just a warning signal
That's why I always go for the oil massage and ask beforehand if they want to take it easy.
I can still remember a case in Arnhem, with the daughter of the actor Hajo Bruins, who suffered from paralysis after a Thai massage.
Nicely written.
Nice piece. As a lover of Thai massages, I have of course fallen for it at one time. The Thai masseuse wants to relieve you of pain. Therefore, they like to fight with supposed knots and knots, where one then uses the small fist, or worse the elbow.
My body is stiff, so to speak, and using my elbow is painful, sometimes very painful, and then I can really take it. My Thai wife, much more flexible than I am, recently had a pulled muscle in her groin, six months ago after a massage probably a twisted arm, which she had been suffering from for a long time. All with good intentions, no doubt
However, I regularly doubt whether people really know what they are doing. So the remedy for me is to do a relaxing oil massage, know elbow. I come for relaxation and not for the torture rack, which Thai massage can often be. If you find someone who massages well, ask for the name and come back to her next time.
Well good luck with the next pain session. Hope the spine straightens out. Lol.
Nicely written, lots of laughs and very recognizable! My first time was in Changmai 20 years ago after a 4 hour bike ride through the mountains. My god, that hurt. But… all the muscle pain that I would normally have for a few days after such an effort, did not come anymore. So it certainly helped. If you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer ha ha
Where, how long and from whom would they learn these 'healing' tricks? Anatomy, physiology, athology, nerve pain, muscle injuries. In BE the training lasts 5 years. In Thailand?
The West wants you to have completed a basic medical education first (3 of those 5 years). Reflexology is then a specialization. Those healing tricks as you disparagingly call them, are centuries old in most countries and existed long before Western medical education existed. We the West only started doing something with medical science since about the 17th century. The painting the Anatomy Lesson from the Golden Age is characteristic of that. Before that time, herbalists were the miracle workers in the medical field. Asians have traditionally helped many people with complaints throughout the centuries and still do. If someone in Thailand has followed a training, they have a certificate of it and that usually hangs on the wall in the reception area of the massage parlor. If in doubt, ask for the person listed there (there is also a photo of the certificate holder). And yes, you will of course also come across many copyists who have learned it from a fellow masseuse (copying and imitating). If you have one of those, then you are out of luck and that is a reason not to go back there. Further comparison with Western education and techniques is not really meaningful. Comparing apples with oranges.
I do not despise those healing tricks at all. Quite the contrary. I put the word in quotation marks in the case of the many, many copyists, the negative consequences as described here by readers and those who supposedly followed the training. Whatever they may entail, but it will certainly not be 3 years. With a few exceptions.
Wibar, a good writing from you. You are a highly educated professional, I read.
Clients under your care are lucky to have such a masseur.
How many Thai masseuse/masseurs can match you in professionalism?
How many of the Thai masseuses you see lining up outside their shops have the professional background you do?
Many with some 'practical learning' + purchased professional certificates.
You don't go to a Thai masseuse if you have orthopedic complaints.
Then it's first the orthopedist + x-rays. Then referral to a professional like you.
A nice, gentle oil massage would be the best for those ladies and boys.
But don't do more than that.
And don't let them touch the spine, neck and head area!
When I first came to Thailand, which was a few years ago, it was on Phuket and I wanted to experience that Thai massage. So I went to a salon. They worked with wooden blocks. Well, I knew that. After that treatment, my feet were no longer able to carry my body without the most horrible pain. These horrors lasted for two weeks before I was somewhat pain-free when walking. That was the first and also the last time that I had a 'real' Thai massage. After that I only had oil massages and that was much, much better.
What is offered in TH as any type of massage is not to be taken seriously unless it can be proven by the practitioner that he or she has a “WatPho” diploma. Massage courses at WatPho
https://watpomassage.com/en last 165 hours. The courses are licensed by the Thai Ministry of Health - the Department Thai Traditional and Alternative Medicine, and are separate from the alternative medicine courses/trainings. Everything else is a derivative of the Wt Pho massage method: https://amonthai.com/en/12-best-thai-massage-schools-in-thailand/
In many massage parlors it is offered differently, and there is mutual satisfaction when the client has undergone the massage happily ended. In many other parlors one “teaches” the other some pulling and tugging actions, whereby it is noticeable that almost always the heart is rubbed (wrong and dangerous!), and joints are pressed with force. The first gives a risk of thrombosis, the other must cause pain because that gives the idea that the massage has been successful.
@Wibar: you make it personal. If you think you can offer massages, do your thing. The fact that you want to justify the Thai practice is granted to you, but do not come up with made-up arguments. Even in the West, a masseur does not first graduate as a basic doctor. A basic doctor is someone who has completed a six-year medical degree and is registered in the BIG register. The training consists of three years of theory (the bachelor phase) and three years of practice (the master phase). After a master's degree, the various specializations follow: e.g. general practitioner, addiction doctor, surgeon, neurologist, psychiatrist, etc.
A training to become a (sports) masseur is often offered in the Netherlands as a written course. The massage training lasts 9 months and practical lessons are offered on location throughout the Netherlands. No prior education is required. The level of the training to become a masseur is comparable to MBO level 4. But then you are talking about a serious matter, often led by a physiotherapist, for example at a sports club, but only if the training and exams take place under the auspices of the NSG (Dutch Society for Sports Massage).
Everything else is a hobby and not recognized. For example, 'massage therapy' in a sauna center or 'reflexology' by pedicures. Thai massages should fit into these categories. All relaxing to undergo, but no healing effect to be attributed to it.
The only real medical [!] (professional) training with expertise in surgical massage is that of physiotherapist, with requirements regarding previous training, numerus fixus, and admission to a professional association: KNGF - Royal Dutch Society for Physiotherapy.
In every profession you have Gods and Bunglers.
Somewhere in 1995 for the first time - through a Thai relationship - got acquainted with Thai massage. This - somewhat older (55+) - lady knew exactly how to relieve the edge of the deltoid muscle of my shoulder over my back from a lot of pain. In 2000 in Bumrungrad with a "dry needle" treatment largely got rid of it.
She also noticed a problem in my lower back (L4-L5-S1), which I suffered from for years, until finally in 2010 - again in Bumringrad - the appropriate diagnosis was made and documentation was compiled, with which two operations were performed in Brasschaat. (spondylodesis)
Nothing could be found in the Netherlands.
So this lady clearly had a lot of experience to draw on.
Yes, I also had a lot of pain once, because a – young – lady did not know nor understand that I had a big problem in my lower back. I didn't either then.