She is tough, attractive, very agile and the mother of two children. I call her Eva (44), because we have agreed that she will remain anonymous. Better for the environment, better for its future. Not that she is ashamed of anything, on the contrary.
After her husband ran off with a Thai colleague, she had been living with him and her kids in Chiang Mai for over four years, she feels better and stronger every day. Six months after her marriage burst like a soap bubble after twenty years in Thailand, she is back in the middle of life. Her breath no longer catches in her throat from anger and sadness. She's breathing again, like before.
Clichés exist by virtue of the fact that they are true and true very often. Thai women are not only very seductive, their sophistication sometimes knows no bounds. A Farrang from the west is therefore easy prey. So is Eva's husband, we call him Frans (48) for the sake of convenience.
Frans had sworn to Eva that he would never touch or lust after a Thai woman. Not for him, those "Asian babes", because they "are only after your money". Frans regularly emphasized how happy he had been for years with his "Dutch" beauty, no one would ever intervene. Let alone a foreigner. In addition, he didn't "like that kind of tie" at all. Way too thin. Frans loved his busty childhood sweetheart dearly.
When he got an office job in Chiang Mai at an English-speaking company, with a real contract and a good salary, the solid foundation for Frans and his family seemed to have been laid. No (money) worries for a while, even a work permit, so security in a country where you as a foreigner have to arrange your affairs properly. Because if you don't, you will come into contact with the authorities, who tolerate us, but according to their laws and their own strict criteria. Everything seemed that Frans, Eva and their two sons were going to have a great time in a special country. The boys at school, long live integration.
After a few weeks, Frans had settled in and started to feel more and more at ease. Sometimes he had to communicate with his Thai colleagues with hands and feet, but that was not allowed to spoil the fun. Beebee, a young Thai woman (32) and mother of a daughter, became increasingly interested in Frans. They worked together in the same department, so the game could begin. Letters became e-mails, e-mails became appointments. Even in the attic of the building, the couple in love met secretly. Frans struggled for a while to keep up appearances for Eva and his sons that he couldn't be seduced, but Beebee had already entangled him in her web for good.
As a former barmaid and escort, she had the right and effective tools to drive Frans completely crazy. Which happened.
On a completely random day, without Eva having the slightest suspicion that her husband was cheating, the high word came out. “Sorry Eva, I have another one. I'm leaving you."
Eva was dumbfounded. Her own French, with a Thai? He too, despite his talk and promises. And how long had this been going on without her knowing anything? When she rewound the film of the past few weeks, the penny dropped. Beebee was a child at home with the family, often ate with them, loved the boys and acted like a kind of family friend. Eva and Beebee even went out for a night out together while Frans looked after the children. So that woman screwed my guy, and me with it.
Paralyzed with grief, Eva was left with her boys in the big house, where every piece of furniture had been carefully thought out. Created in complete harmony, as the relationship of Eva and Frans to the adulterous behavior of Frans may be defined. Friends and family often looked at the couple with envy. In the eyes of many, Frans and Eva were role models for other couples for a while. The love splashed off, they would never get into trouble, let alone a divorce.
End Part 1
About this blogger
Read the latest articles here
ColumnOctober 7, 2018Street dog in Thailand: pernicious vermin or caring drinking companion?
Living in ThailandNovember 28 2015Tick: Hard-working mother of three- ColumnMay 19, 2015"That woman screwed my guy, and me with it" (part 2)
- ColumnMay 7, 2015"That woman screwed my guy, and me with it" (part 1)
If you stay here longer you will see how far women go to get what they want, and how underhanded they sometimes work.
It's just openly asked if you already have a girlfriend, and if so if they can't be your 2nd girlfriend or gik. And then of course it is not the intention that they remain the 2nd girlfriend, from there they try to become number 1.
It is also no problem for the ladies to cheat on their own girlfriends behind their backs and steal their guy, let alone from a complete stranger.
If they feel they can squeeze in, they won't fail to do so. So best for a falang man in a relationship is just not to start and also be careful with too many friendly relationships. It always starts very subtly. A Thai differs from a Western woman in this. The western woman focuses on 1 man and is fully committed. A Thai usually makes several contacts and waits patiently for her chance, see what happens. The Thai will not be afraid to switch between those contacts if she thinks she can find a better deal with the other one. In that respect, for the Thai lady, dating is just a game of probability.
Bitchy behavior of the ladies among themselves, facebook and other social media stalking, it knows almost no boundaries. As a man you just have to be really blunt and not be tempted by that sweet smile, if you leave the door ajar you will sooner or later go for the axe.
Story from the column is a classic. Young seductive lady who slowly wins him over. Starts subtle, sweet laughter in the office, touching a little now and then. Man feels flattered. It's new, exciting, he occasionally fantasizes about her. From there it is a matter of waiting until it comes to a slippery slope. Has nothing to do with love for the man, pure curiosity. A Thai lady knows very well how to please a man in bed, and probably goes a little further than his own wife does after all these years of marriage. The sex with his new gik is fantastic. And the man assumes that it is worth repeating but that it remains purely on a sexual basis. But then it is already too late, the lady slowly takes him in.
For Western women (men too, by the way) cheating is often the end of the relationship. Purely because of the fact that a man has sex with someone else once. The Thai woman sees it differently. If their husband or boyfriend cheats, it's not so much the sex that bothers them, sex is just sex. They know where it will go in the long run because they know the game themselves.
Dear “BA”,
Your reaction shows a lot of prejudice and generalizes the (Thai) women.
Men are by nature the “hunters”. That is ingrained in their nature. Why shouldn't women be?
A relationship needs to be worked day and night to keep it going. This applies to both partners. If one of the partners lets that sink in, that partner shouldn't be surprised if the other is "disengaged" from his or her relationship. This applies to both Western and Eastern people. You can't blame those Thai women for the fact that Thai women may be more "sharp" in that. Apparently “Eva” had let her relationship deteriorate a bit (as it often happens in relationships) and “Frans” could use a “break”. Well, that can lead to more.
Apparently the mia noi of “Frans” was a bit smarter than “Eva” and she took advantage of circumstances to get herself a new relationship. So she succeeded. But whether she should be blamed for that, I doubt.
There is a cause in every broken relationship. The cause cannot simply be attributed to someone else. The “victim” must therefore hold up a mirror to himself. As for “French”, the same can also “happen” to him. Nothing is certain in this world.
They are not French prejudices, just our own experiences.
Living in Thailand for a few years when you are 33 years old and have a decent job and then you know how the game is played. I once went on a date with a lady, and then shamelessly received messages on Facebook from friends of hers asking if I couldn't make her happy for a night.
You will learn the basic tricks. You go on a date with a lady, a friend comes along. Do you know why they do that? They usually also have some Thai contacts. If they are seen by acquaintances, lady A will say that you are lady B's date and vice versa.
They are also all very handy with the smartphone. If they take it to the toilet with them, turn the screen away when they play with their phone, or use black privacy glass, then you also know what time it is. Looking at the Line App on their phone often makes a lot clear.
You can go on like this for a while. I could write a book about it by now 🙂
That does not exonerate “Frans” of course, he should have kept him in his pants when he was married, but the game is very refined. And the Thai women who know, with exceptions, really no shame in this area.
And if you think that as a man you are the hunter in Thailand, it is rather the other way around. You are being hunted.
Dear BA, given your extensive knowledge of the working methods of the Thai woman, the question arises who is more savvy here.
I assume this has happened to you many times or at least you are open to it.
In this case it might be better to warn the Thai ladies about the way the farang works.
It strikes me that the anger in such cases is mainly directed at the lady who would have seduced her husband. That her husband has been seduced is apparently less bad. I do understand that as a guy you have to be very strong in your shoes to be able to resist this.
The fact that it does not remain a slippery slope but he chooses the Thai lady indicates that the marriage was not as close as she always thought. Still an annoying issue though.
In my opinion, man is not monogamous by nature, but this compulsion is mainly dictated by the social environment and religion.
Mr Peter,
I completely agree with the last sentence of your response.
Mr Peter,
What I don't understand why you have to be strong in your shoes to be able to stand this again? It is clear if you do not want a simple "no thank you" seems to me to be fine.
I recognize myself in this my ex left me after 36 years here for a barfly i never blamed her for it .
That's great, Ricky. But what I miss is who did "blame" you.
See also my comment above.
Personally, I believe that cheating once, or even cheating regularly, does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Somewhere I have the idea that it is often the women who cannot accept this: “You have someone else, so I will leave you.”
In the present case, however, it is Mr. Frans who presents his wife with a fait accompli: “I have another. I'm leaving you."
As a result, Eva no longer has a choice and Frans indicates that there is apparently no love for Eva anymore.
The relationship was therefore probably already defunct earlier, but the situation has been allowed to continue for the sake of convenience and to keep up appearances.
In such a situation, there is no need for a sophisticated Thai beauty, but a dumb blonde is enough to blow up the business.
Insofar as the story might suggest that this is 'typically something that can happen to you in Thailand', I would strongly object to that.
My first question is always: "and why is that man sensitive to another?"
If he doesn't get enough at home, don't be surprised if that need is met elsewhere.
Oh well, this could have just happened in the Netherlands. Know several cases at my old employer. And it was both men and women who cheated. Have seen at least 3 marriages die and also the cheaters broke up again in two cases. So it's really not a Thai problem.
Unfortunately, the story sounds familiar to me
after 42 years of marriage, a thai has also taken him in
he says it suits him that he is still such a young woman with a chance she is 30 and he is 64 years old
has given up everything here in the Netherlands, we went on holiday together every year for 3 months in Thailand
had a lot of fun and suddenly he wanted a divorce I have a lot of sadness everything we built together
can she enjoy don't think it's fair we'll just say has n thai what we don't have just say darling I want many yep hope he sees tn times
Dear Nolly,
In a way I can understand you. You were in the fall of your lives and 42 years of marriage is quite something. If your ex-partner argues that he feels flattered by a beautiful young Thai woman that she pays attention to him, whether or not with dubious ulterior motives, and he leaves you for that reason, I think that's super stupid. He must realize that she may not like his appearance. There always comes a time when the signs of the years prevail and the lady gives up or when another victim crosses her path at a good time and he regrets it as hair on his head (if he still has it of course) for him to be sidelined. If…., because nothing is certain.
On the other hand, he doesn't fall for someone else for nothing. Then there may be more going on. This often comes out later when the question “why” is asked. Usually the accusations then come loose. That is why it is important for you that you also delve into that possibility and look at what your part has been in the whole and not only point to him or her. That solves nothing and is also unsatisfactory. It's just what Peter says. A human being (I think just like animals) is not monogamous by nature but dictated by religion. If a man is attracted to a beautiful young beauty, then the flesh is weak. Women know that all too well. Therefore, also consult yourself.
Typical story and very stupid and very weak from Frans and pretty bad for Eva.
Falling in love with someone is human and is not a criminal act, but you don't have to give in to it and in Frans's case it's downright stupid to have to give in to it...
This situation will NEVER happen to me and I realize this is an arrogant statement, but I am really sure.
I'm not claiming that I wouldn't have sacrificed myself for Beebee, but it would have been just one night.
As a French person, I could also explain this perfectly to my Eva.
The biggest enemy of a good relationship is wanting to get into a better relationship… STUPID!
Incidentatlly.
The story tells that Beebee is an ex bar and escort girl who works in the office. Usually, such ladies do not go to work in the office, unless there is another boyfriend or husband involved (often also Falang)
So I wouldn't be surprised if in part 2 the monkey comes out of the sleeve and “Frans” is the one who has been tricked.
The headline of the article reminds me of the action of former TV lady Tineke Verburg, who cut off all the buttons of her cheater's clothing and wrote a very nice text in the following style on a note: If that ... can sew so well, then it is this problem for her. But we're going to read the next parts carefully about how this is going to end. I hope for the kids that it will end up a bit on its potty.
It is very easy to blame a woman.
It is of course not proper for a woman to get involved with a married man, although the initiative may well have come from the man.
In that respect, the rules in Thailand are often not as strict as in the Netherlands.
However, the man is never an innocent victim.
He is always totally responsible for his own actions.
Wonderful soap this, all stereotypes and prejudices are fully included in the story and the reactions, add a dash of violence and it can be done on Thai television….
All 3 are at fault if you want to call it that. I don't think people are monogamous by nature, if an attractive creature (m/f) comes along then the primal compulsion of procreation comes up. Yet the “trick” of a long-term relationship often works well if both partners invest and continue to invest. And a bounce out the door doesn't have to mean that your relationship with your partner is bad or over. But if that happens in secret and comes out, you have a major breach of trust, not for the seesaw outside the door, but for cheating and therefore taking away the relationship of trust.
In this case, it is quite possible that the relationship between Eva and Frans was far from sparkling as it was in the beginning. Both may no longer have invested enough in the relationship. In that regard, both share guilt. The third person had any nationality and either Eva or Frans could have encountered such a seductress or seducer. Beebee is of course also guilty by just going French and continuing to a relationship. I do think that Frans is the main culprit, he can indicate his dissatisfaction with the relationship with Eva at several moments, break up with Beebee or confess to Eva that he went with BeeBee who offered him something that Eva did not offer. Then the two of them could have seen whether together they could breathe new life into their relationship, maintain it or whether the relationship was simply over.
Looking at myself, I wouldn't know if I or my wife would be seduced by an outsider in X years time. It doesn't have to be the end of the relationship if you both know that the special bond you have with your spouse can never be matched in the long run. The jitters and excitement of a fresh flame make sense, but can that flame offer more than you in the long run? current partner? I doubt that. And if so, then your relationship with or without an outsider is already over.
For this I have responded to the contributions of “BA” and Nolly. Therein lies my view in general. After reading all the contributions, I come to the conclusion that most opinions on the story are very personal. After all, it is also a story that can apply to many people. Reading the comments makes me feel better. How do I personally feel about it.
I was baptized NH but not raised in a church or religion. In the years up to WWII, the Netherlands had a conservative and Calvinist attitude. After World War II secularization started and with it the sexual revolution. But the Netherlands was not really at the forefront of this. If you got your girl pregnant you had to get married. And getting married was “lifelong”. I grew up in that atmosphere and helped determine my life and way of thinking. That will be the case for many people.
I've been married twice. I ended my first marriage after ten years. My second marriage ended my ex-wife. The first died before the age of 50. I still have a good relationship with my second wife. Although my first wife was strange, I only found out after my divorce. As a result of which? Just naivete. After my two divorces, I didn't want to know anything about getting married. That was a closed chapter for me. Why? There was no trust anymore. Those two marriages shaped me more than my upbringing.
At the age of 55 I changed course. I moved to Spain and started traveling to see more of the world. While traveling I also met women, of different races and different ages, beautiful and less beautiful to ugly. During one of my travels, I met a young woman in Thailand through mutual friends. Not a bargirl or anything, but an ordinary woman with a daughter, at home with her family. There was no click or love. Plus, she was 27 years younger than me and saw that as a generation gap. We kept in touch afterwards. After about two years she wanted a relationship with me. After holding off on that for a while, I "fallen". We have been living together in Spain for 4,5 years now and have a two-year-old daughter.
With my experiences in mind and my current family, I must say that I will never accept that my wife (although we are not married but we are a family) will cheat, Not once. If it does, then the relationship is over. On the other hand, I will not cheat either. Of course, the flesh is weak when you see a beautiful woman and possibly also pay attention to you. But mutual trust is high. The trust in each other is so great that we can talk very relaxed about that man or woman we do find attractive. Without any problems I can say that I like a certain woman. And she appreciates my taste too.
I rarely read stories like this on the blog. Often it is critical. If it is not on the man or woman, then it is on a mia noi or a male variant thereof. There is also a lot of generalization. Just how a young Thai woman is viewed. I then ask myself, what is the relationship of that writer like?
I wasn't really planning to respond to part 1, but after reading all the supportive comments, I can't help it. The author of the article immediately sets a tone. A very suggestive one, in fact. This apparently determines the way many readers deal with the story. But if you read the story carefully, it is absolutely not "that woman" who screwed the other one. Not at all. It only sounds good because it concerns a Thai woman. But it's not right. It is the husband who takes his wife and children to Thailand, and then cheats and abandons her and his family. He, and not "that woman" sews another and his family. In the decision to do that, that Thai woman is completely outside. However seductive and manipulative she might have played it, which is only claimed but not proven: she has nothing to do with how the main character chases his p'k! And so it is!
I completely agree with you, it is indeed Frans who is the dumbass and bears the responsibility and not the seductive (and whether or not sophisticated) Beebee.
It's not because a beautiful lady tries to entice me that I, as an adult, have to go along with it.
If I do, then that has been my free choice and decision.
So Eva, his wife must be disappointed and angry at her Frans, not at Beebee!
When I come home a little early and my wife is rocking in our matrimonial bed, she has broken the rules, not her lover for one night.
I then have a word to do with her, not with her one-night stand.
So I don't blame Beebee in this story.
No matter how you look at it, the one who cheats, has an extramarital affair is the culprit who destroyed the marriage! It is too easy to blame the Thai woman for however seductive and attractive she is.
Funny always, don't say anything 'wrong' about the Thai women, except if they themselves have become 'victims' of something, then they are soon sensual, greedy, money-hungry women and is the relationship with a Thai going well? it's the Thai men who have to pay for it because they prefer to lie in a hammock all day with a bottle of HongTong within reach.
Well, then the farang men, those are all those neat, homely, good people who have come to Thailand to enjoy the beautiful surroundings, nature, temples, Buddha statues and delicious food…
if the lady in the photo is also the lady in question, I would also be less strong in my shoes
the result of the mutual competition between thai is enormous jealousy, that is the thing that I can least get used to with my girlfriend.
Moderator: please don't chat.
The case of “French” occurs all over the world. That is not typical Thai in my opinion. Financial security (for her and family) that's what it's all about. Even if you have a head like a pig or are as old as Met(h)usalem, the ladies in question don't care. Love… is a bit further up the ladder for many Thai ladies. Money! That is often the only reason…..